50 Funny Christmas Quotes That Will Make You Laugh

Christmas is a time to be merry and happy, but sometimes we need a little humor to get us through the holiday season. Here are some funny Christmas quotes that will make you smile.

Funny Christmas Quotes

• “Christmas is a time to be merry and happy, but sometimes we need a little humor to get us through the holiday season.”

• “A merry Christmas to all, and all a good night.”

• “I don’t know about you, but I’m going to enjoy my Christmas present this year. I get to spend it with the people I love.”

• “Merry Christmas, Santa. I hope you brought me the thing I asked for”

• “Merry Christmas, everyone!”

• “I don’t care if it’s Christmas or not, I’m going to open my present early!”

• “Why can’t Christmas be every day?”

• “Merry Christmas, everyone! I hope you’re having a great one!”

• “I don’t care if it’s Christmas or not, I’m going to open my present early!”

• ”Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.” — Gary Allan

• ”I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.” — Maya Angelou

• ”The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.” — Johnny Carson

•   “Christmas is a baby shower that went overboard.” — Andy Borowitz

• “I haven’t taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin. — Winston Spear

• “There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.” — Bob Phillips

• “Christmas is a box of tree ornaments that have become part of the family.”— Charles M. Schulz

• ”We celebrate the birth of one who told us to give everything to the poor by giving each other motorized tie racks.” — Bill McKibben

•  “It’s easier to feel a little more spiritual with a couple of bucks in your pocket.” — Craig Ferguson

• “I don’t want the Christmas season to end, because it’s the only time I can legitimately indulge in one particular addiction: glitter.” — Eloisa James

•  “In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it ‘Christmas’ and went to church; the Jews called it ‘Hanukkah’ and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say ‘Merry Christmas!’ or ‘Happy Hanukkah!’ or (to the atheists) ‘Look out for the wall!’” ― Dave Barry

• “There’s something about a Christmas sweater that will always make me laugh.” — Kristen Wiig

• “I grew up on a Christmas Tree Farm so this is a good season for me. I was too young to help with the hauling of the trees up the hills and putting them onto cars. So, it was my job to pull the praying mantis pods off of the Christmas trees. The problem with that is if you leave them on there, people bring them into their houses. I forgot to check one time and they hatched all over these people’s house—and there were hundreds of thousands of them!” — Taylor Swift

• “You can’t fool me—there ain’t no Sanity Clause!” — Chico Marx

•  “Nothing says holidays like a cheese log.” — Ellen Degeneres

• “The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.” — Jay “I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.” — Shirley Temple

• “It’s Christmas Eve! It’s the one night of the year when we all act a little nicer, we smile a little easier, and we cheer a little more. For a couple of hours out of the whole year, we are the people that we always hoped we would be.” — Bill Murr “Christmas is a baby shower that went overboard.” — Andy Borowitz

• “I haven’t taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin. — Winston Spear

• “There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.” — Bob PhillipsayLenono

• . ”A Christmas miracle is when your family doesn’t get into a single argument all day.” — Melanie White

•  ”There are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. So, guys, that means 16 more days till we start shopping, right?”— Conan O’Brien

• ”One good thing about Christmas shopping is it toughens you for the January sales.” — Grace Kriley. ”Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp.” — Melanie White

• ”Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp.” — Melanie White

• ”The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven’t seen for 20 minutes.” — Julius Sharpe

• “Thank you, Stockings, for being a long flammable piece of fabric people like to hang over a roaring fireplace.” — Jimmy Fallon

•  “I hate the radio this time of year because they play ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’re like every other song. And that’s just not enough. — Bridger Winegar. P

•  “This holiday season, no matter what your religion is, please take a moment to reflect on why it’s better than all the other ones.” — Guy Endore Kaiser

• “This past Christmas, I told my girlfriend for months in advance that all I wanted was an Xbox. That’s it. Beginning and end of the list, Xbox. Do you know what she got me? A homemade frame with a picture of us from our first date together. Which was fine. Because I got her an Xbox.” — Anthony Jeselnik

• “I set a personal record on Christmas. I got my shopping done three weeks ahead of time. I had all the presents back at my apartment, I was halfway through wrapping them, and I realized, ‘Damn, I used the wrong wrapping paper.’ The paper I used said, ‘Happy Birthday.’ I didn’t want to waste it, so I just wrote ‘Jesus’ on it.” — Demetri Martin

•  “There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.” — P.J. O’Rourk

• “One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.” — Louis C.K.‘Mistletoe,’ said Luna dreamily, pointing at a large clump of white berries placed almost over Harry’s head. He jumped out from under it. ‘Good thinking,’ said Luna seriously. ‘It’s often infested with nargles.’” — J.K. Rowling

•  “You know you’re getting old when Santa starts looking younger.” — Robert Paul

• “The older I get, the fewer useless gifts I get. The fewer I get, the less I have to wrap to re-gift for next Christmas.” — Robert Rivers

•  “You can just hear Santa saying ‘Ho, Ho, Ho’ when you receive your credit card statement in January.” — Kate Summers

•  “I never get to see Santa Claus come down the chimney because I always get too tired and fall asleep from eating all his cookies while waiting for him. — Theodore W. Higginsworth“More than Santa Claus, your sister knows when you’ve been bad and good.” — Linda Sunshine

•  “Christmas is always a problem to the man who has to convince his kids that there is a Santa Claus, and his wife that there isn’t.” — Evan Es

•  “At Christmas, tea is compulsory. Relatives are optional.” — Robert Godden

• “The main reason Santa is so jolly is that he knows where all the bad girls live.” — George Carlin

•  “Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.” — Unknown

•  “It’s all fun and games until Santa checks the naughty list.” — Unknown

Conclusion

This essay infers that Christmas should be fun. This is because the holiday is supposed to be a time of happiness and love, but too often it is just a commercialized event. Instead, it should be a time when people can get together and have a good time. Christmas should be filled with laughter, jokes, and good-natured ribbing. It should be a time when people can forget their troubles and just enjoy themselves. By making Christmas funny, we can all enjoy the holiday more.

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